Children & Discipline 2

Written by Alan Herbert | OMGItsAGirl

My adoptive parents are American. This means they are from a country that has not made it illegal to smack your child!

It also means I was smacked as a child!

Now bear in mind the fact I was abandoned by my mother, in an orphanage and then adopted I had shall we say a few “issues”

This led to instances of punishment. For more serious offences my Mother (It was always her who administered the smacking) would generally make me get one of my fathers belts. This led to an interesting game. I’d have to pick one that was big enough to administer enough pain to hurt, satisfying my mother, but small enough to not hurt too much. Making my life a bit easier.

I’d therefore come down with one I deemed suitable, like haggling on a second hand car the first offer was never accepted. This meant a trip back up to the belt drawer and a second attempt. If this went wrong I only had one more before the choice was put of my hands.

I also remember being given the gym shoe at my Private School! A size 12 Dunlop Green Flash. Something that would result in criminal charges these days.

Long before these events I was smacked by the Nuns in the orphanage.

What do these events have in common? In most of them I cannot remember what I had done to warrant physical punishment. All I remember is the punishment itself. I’m pretty sure that some of them were for lying. Now you tell me, knowing the punishment could be a smacking with a leather belt, would you try and lie your way out of it? I bloody well would, and did.

Being a parent myself I realise now if a child is being asked “Did you skip school and go to Wimpey?” They know the answer already!

It gets to the point where even the words “Just tell the truth and we won’t be angry” are not enough to convince your child’s mind that trying to get away with it is not a sensible option.

I won’t go into the Psychological effects that physical punishment has had on me.

Do I use physical punishment on my children?

No I don’t. Will I ever? No I won’t. No matter what they say or do nothing warrants that!

Are there tines I’m so frustrated with them that I’ve gotten angry? You bloody bet! I’ve three boys. Two of whom are stepsons, so its not been a bed of roses bringing them up! Have I lost my shit and shouted at them? You bet! Did I feel bad before I’d finished shouting. Damn right.

How can we teach our children not to hit, if we hit them as punishment?

How can we teach our children to come to us when they have a problem or have made a mistake if they are afraid of physical punishment?

What example are we setting if we hit them to get them to behave the way we want?

What good is a punishment so brutal that it makes you forget what you are being punished for?

Our job as parents is to raise strong, emotionally stable, well adjusted young men and women. Physical punishment does not do this. So I will never ever raise a hand to any of my children.

Does this mean my children might not do what I want them to do as quick as I want? Probably.

Does this mean they might push boundaries a bit more than I did? Probably.

Does this mean my children can feel safe coming to me and owning up to doing something wrong? I hope so.

What about you? Do you smack your children? Were you smacked as a child?

Written by Alan Herbert | OMGItsAGirl

More from Alan | A Letter To My Adoptive Mother

Twitter | @OMGitsagirl2015

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2 thoughts on “Children & Discipline

  • Luke

    what a story Alan. I personally only remember been smacked a few times as a kid.. and since my boys have been born I have to say I have smacked their bums a handful of times…its 100% my own self control issue. They shouldn’t have been smacked and im 100% in the wrong. I learn to control my actions now even when im in full rage mode. love your honesty and will power!! great blog!