A Letter To My Adoptive Mother

Written by Alan Herbert | OMGItsAGirl


A few weeks ago I published this letter to my birth mother. Today it’s my adoptive mothers turn.

Dear Mum,

I’ve never asked why you adopted children rather than have your own. I suppose the reasons aren’t relevant.

What is important is that after looking through the catalogues and talking to social services etc you decided to adopt my sister and I.

For this I will be eternally grateful, there is no doubting my life would have been so different had you not.

At 5 years old the stats are there to show I was probably reaching the age of being unadoptable. In the UK in 2015 only 20% of all adoptions were of children aged 5 – 10!

It’s not surprising really, children are tough enough to raise without the added emotional problems that come with an older adopted child. Add in the ginger hair and freckles and I wouldn’t have been top of most lists, thank god I had a cute younger sister to sweeten the deal. We were a package.

You took us into your home and offered nothing but love. Tough love in some cases, but you were from a different culture, and older than a lot of parents, and children were raised different then.

It wasn’t your fault that I had issues around adoption. I didn’t like the way I suddenly became your “son” Its not that I remembered my biological mother, but I knew she was out there.

Maybe deep down I thought she might come back for me?

Maybe I thought by loving you I was betraying her?

Maybe I thought you had no right to change my name?

I was only 5 and though I hardly remember any of my life before you I had been through so much.

You tried to help. Took me to psychologists. I wouldn’t talk to them though. I knew everything I said would go back to you.

How could I tell them you weren’t my parents? Everyone was always telling me how “lucky” I was to be adopted.

How could I say this knowing you would hear it?

Then I went to boarding school for emotionally disturbed boys. I was a 52 weeker. Only going home for a few weeks a year.

I loved it. They were strict but fair. We all got treated the same. There was no counselling or therapy. We just learnt to control our tempers and hold in our anger! Bottle our feelings up.

Even though you weren’t there. You telephoned and wrote. There were always cards for birthdays and you knew about all my sporting and other achievements.

Before we knew it your time in England was over and you were heading back to the USA. I was 18 and half way through a college course so didn’t have to say I wasn’t going with you.

Still you phoned, sent cards and letters.

Still I struggled to come to terms with what had happened all those years ago. Not once did you turn your back on me. Always there to help with advice, money or just someone to talk to. Even if I didn’t talk much.

Now I have kids and stepkids of my own I realise how hard i made it for you. I know you must have cried yourself to sleep any nights wondering what you had done wrong.

You did nothing wrong. All you did was love me and made me the father I am today.

Even though you barely get to see them you are a wonderful Nanny to the children. You treat them all the same, just as you treated me the same as you would have your own son.

So I’d like to say thank you, and I DO love you I just don’t know how to show it.

All my love


Written by Alan Herbert | OMGItsAGirl

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