Our Adoption, Our Team


Written by Matthew Blythe | Me and Mini Mees

It was one of those times, when life just took a different journey. A friend’s sister had adopted, as a single person. Then someone else who was about my age had adopted. Then there was an advert in the paper, or the TV. I sent an email, telling them I was single. They replied. I went to see a lovely social worker. I kept thinking “let’s see what happens, at least you explored the possibility”. I went on the training. I went through the assessment. I went to panel. I was approved. I was matched to twin boys. They moved in.

At the time all that was a massive journey, so many ups and downs. So many conversations. So much waiting. Then more waiting. Then even more waiting. Looking back, it seemed like nothing. It took 18 months from the initial enquiry to the boys moving in. At the time it seemed like a life time.

The boys moved in one cold, very cold, March Monday morning. The car was stacked high with black bin bags of their belongings. They even had bags on their knees. We had already brought loads of stuff to the house already. The car managed not to burst until we got home, then we spent ages moving stuff into the house. Hours later, exhausted, we sat in the kitchen, having a drink and a biscuit. One of them broke the silence.

“Why haven’t we got a Mum?”

The other replied.

“We don’t need a Mum. We are a team”

And so we were. So we have been. So we shall be.

We have been together now nine years. So much has happened. My “new” life has utterly transformed, in to something unrecognisable to the single male life style I used to have. I have learnt Adoption is not what you see on the glossy posters. It’s not what I had in my head. It’s not what people who don’t really know us, think it is.

I live with two boys that are living day to day with trauma they experienced in their early lives. Their brains have been wired to fight or flight. They find it hard to trust, especially adults. They still believe the world is going to let them down. School and education is a complex and daunting place. Sometimes they do things, or say things that they don’t understand.

We have been for therapy – for three years. They have started to rewire their brains. They are starting to take control. But in the same way some war veterans throw themselves on the floor if they hear a sudden loud noise, so do my two. Or they can lash out. Or they can feel overwhelmed. Or they can simply hide inside themselves.

We, as a team, have been through so much. At the end of each day, we regroup, and brush ourselves down.

On our very first Christmas together, I had bought loads of stocking fillers, presents and even a talking teddy bear as that was what one of them had always wanted! I had put some presents away, so as to not overwhelm them first thing. We opened toys, we played a few games, and found batteries to let things work. We went for breakfast. We sat at the table and tucked into a mountain of hot toast. I asked if they had got what they wanted? One replied…

“Yes, a family Christmas”

Life is not always what we want it to be, or what we hoped for, but sometimes, it is so, so much more.

 

Written by Matthew Blythe | Me and Mini Mees

Website | Me and Mini Mees

Twitter | @meandminimees

 

 

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