Postnatal Depression: Brutally Honest

Written by Mrs Mummy Harris

I have not hidden the fact that I am currently suffering from Postnatal Depression. I have blogged about it, written guest posts about it, taken part in Twitter chats and even been featured on the Daily Mail online to discuss why I will only have one child thanks to the effect PND had on me.

Eight months after giving birth, I am delighted to say that I am on the right track back to happiness. I am even finding myself daydreaming of Ben and a sibling playing together which of course is completely different to how I felt in the throws of my depression.

One thing people don’t often speak of when discussing PND, is the effect it has on your relationship with the baby’s father. In my case, Hubby has been a saint. (however, ask me on a bad day and I’d probably ask for the number of a Divorce Lawyer.)

Back in the day before I went back to work the scene was as follow; I was always at home with baby; struggling to find time to eat, shower and shit. Then Hubby came home telling me of his hard day at work. All I can think of replying with is “but did you shit, whilst listening to Little Mix on repeat whilst blowing raspberry’s to keep your child silent?” Instead, I reply with “oh that’s nice” and “oh sounds like that was a hard day.”

Jealousy crept inbetween hubby and me. He was jealous as he thought I sat at home loving every second of my luxurious life swanning around in my PJ’s spending quality time with our child. I was jealous that he got adult interaction on a daily basis and could piss in silence, drink when he wanted and got to leave the house on a daily basis.

The truth is, I used to sit at home crying at least once a day; wishing my life was different, hating the child I brought into the world. I used to wonder why I did this to myself, I chose to have a family so why did I feel so bad? I hated the lack of freedom, the lack of space and time to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. However now, the feelings aren’t that bad, on bad days they’re still there but predominately I just hate my lack of freedom.

But then again, what SAHP doesnt want the ability to go to the loo alone (I have cats therefore although I was never alone; at least I didnt need to entertain them with Little Mix or the Troll soundtrack!)

There have been times when I know my Depression has taken its toll on Hubby. There have been times when he’s been in tears himself not knowing how to help, times when he just won’t say anything as he knows I’ll either snap or burst into tears.

Things have been tough, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. There have been times when I wonder how I could cope as a single parent. I’m sure Hubby has had similar fleeting thoughts; however I take my vows seriously and considering it’s been less than two years since those words passed my mouth, I owe it to me, Hubby and to Ben to work through this and come out through the other end.

I am so lucky to have the most adorable little boy and amazing husband who are my world and with their love I know I can beat this and who knows, maybe next time round I won’t get depression! *wink wink nudge nudge*

Written by Mrs Mummy Harris

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Twitter | @mummyharris86

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